So, this year’s colonoscopy was originally scheduled for about four weeks ago, but my doc’s office called to reschedule it. One of the alternate dates offered was Valentine’s Day, which appealed to my admittedly twisted sense of humor. Which goes with my twisted colon, a fact about which my doc informed me the last time we talked. Last year’s colonoscopy yielded a crop of several polyps, one of which was cancerous. Stage Zero. Non-invasive. No, not ‘pre-cancerous,’ according to my doc. Actually cancerous. It and its benign mates were completely removed during the colonoscopy, so no further treatment was needed. I got to have a sort of speed-dating version of my breast cancer adventure when I got that news a year ago.
My, how time flies. Here we are, a year later already, and I am eating white, non-fibrous food two days before the festivities, and have already begun drinking my Gatorade-cum-Miralax refreshment, which I have to drink for two days, not one, because I have a twisted colon. In the spirit of romance, I’m drinking it out of a champagne flute. And I’m wondering if there’s some sort of Valentine’s Day protocol for an exchange of greetings between oneself and one’s gastroenterologist when one is having a colonoscopy. Do I give him flowers? Does he give them to me? What about the anaesthesiologist? I rate one of those this year because last year, I woke up during the crucial part feeling like I was being kicked by a Clydesdale.
Well, I don’t know, and Dear Abbey is no longer around to ask about this. So, I’ve designed a little greeting card that I would like to receive from my doc afterwards. Could be adapted to whatever test results you’re waiting for. Meanwhile, fingers crossed. I’ll update this post when I get The Word.
*NED stands for ‘No Evidence of Disease,’ a phrase we savor in Cancerland.
UPDATE, 2/15/13. I did not get my wish. A new crop of polyps was found and removed, and a teeny ulcer was biopsied. The little rat bastards have been sent to the path lab. The teeny ulcer, I was told, was likely caused by the prep itself. The polyps, no matter what they turn out to be, are gone, hopefully with clear margins. If any turn out to be positive again, I will likely be having another colonoscopy way sooner than I’d like (which would be never, but I know that’s a pipe dream). Thanks for the support, peeps. I’ll keep you posted. I may have to wait a week to hear the results. *sigh*