I swear on my sainted mother’s grave, I did NOT see the following photos and links before I wrote my last post, “Will Barbie Have Hot Flashes Now?”. Someone at Mattel has clearly been performing thought-theft on me since I was a child without my knowledge. Or, to put it in a less sinister light, I guess I was simply a precocious little girl, with my pinky on the pulse of what future little girls and Barbie collectors might want.
I was merely visiting the official Barbie website to see if I could find my old Barbie and I decided to troll through the recent past and see if I could find the Barbie I bought a few years ago to find out what her “official title” was. I did not find her, but I looked in my closet and found the original box she came in, which of course I saved. She was called “Fashion Fever” Barbie and she came out in 2005, by which time bell-bottoms reappeared in a big way and every clothing store I went into looked like someone had raided my old high school wardrobe. I did, however, find my original one, “Fashion Queen Barbie,” with the wigs and all. I also found Barbies that fit virtually every childhood play fantasy I mentioned in my last post, plus a few of my sardonic adult suggestions. This is really spooky, everyone, so I’m just warning you.
Remember when I talked about my fashion designer phase when I said I was a regular Vera Wang? Well, here’s a Vera Wang Barbie, one of several.
And remember how I said I’d made her a Swedish folk costume? Well, Mattel finally did, too, 36 years later.
It gets worse. I was just kidding about having a Barbie whose midlife crisis might involve buying a motorcycle. But someone took me seriously and came out with not just one, but several Harley Davidson Barbies (and Kens, as a matter of fact). Here’s one of them, from 1998.
This next one wasn’t such a big surprise. I mean, women’s tennis has become a big deal, so they were bound to reissue a tennis-playing Barbie, although I liked my Barbie’s tennis outfit better.
And this one is inevitable, too, because little girls and ballet just go together, and I’m sure I was not the first little girl to dress Barbie in a tutu. I don’t suppose she comes with a DVD of Tchaikovsky’s ballet score, but at least it’s an acknowledgement. Although, since the Swan does die at the end, I think Barbie should look more tragic and not be grinning like that. Plus, she should have her hair in a proper chignon. I mean, protocol is protocol.
But this next one really leaves me just about speechless. Nor is it quite what I had in mind for the Cause. Honestly, I don’t know whether to laugh or take a Prilosec.
I’m not sure what I think of this either, but they get points for picking a decent role model. Although I’d really love to know what Chancellor Merkel thought of it. If they’re going to go down this road, I think they ought to come out with a Secretary of State Barbie series, since we’ve had three women in a row now that they could copy.
Oh, well. I guess I’ll end on another nostaligic note with Peace & Love 70’s Barbie who once again gives me flashbacks and looks like she raided my high school closet. And my own hair was really that long, too. Like, far out, man.
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